This is odd. Mine stays on when I'm in Park as long as I don't turn the car off via the on/off button. I'm going to have to go check because I'm pretty sure it stays on until I open the door. Maybe because I'm connected to CarPlay?
Maybe an EV is not for you because this situation is only solved by more charging stations. First come, first served. Until that time comes you may be destined for continued unhappiness.
If I'm at a charging station and you pull up, I couldn't care less about your SoC, where you came from...
New and the aesthetics you want. Either way, it's a boat load of money - shouldn't you get one of the colors you want? I will hazard a guess the 4S is plenty fast enough for whatever you have in mind for daily life.